May 2013
28 posts
7 tags
Others include flailing, raging, and taking over...
PISCES: SHIT ISN’T HOW YOU WANT IT TO BE. NOW, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT? CRYING IS ONLY ONE OPTION.
6 tags
No room for the drama llama
AQUARIUS: YOU CAN’T MAKE THEIR DRAMA GO AWAY, BUT YOU CAN MAKE THEM GO AWAY. JUST PUTTING THAT OUT THERE.
5 tags
Eh, it's a living
CAPRICORN: WORK, CHECK TUMBLR. WORK, CHECK TUMBLR. WORK, CHECK TUMBLR.
6 tags
We all object to this
SAGITTARIUS: I’M SORRY, YOU HAVE TO BE A MOTHERFUCKING ADULT TODAY.
5 tags
I can't hear you when you're screaming
SCORPIO: IT DOESN’T MATTER THAT YOU’RE RIGHT IF NO ONE WILL LISTEN TO YOUR SCARY ASS. CHILL THE FUCK OUT.
6 tags
You've been hanging with Scorpio too much
LIBRA: YOU’RE JUST DYING TO STIR SHIT UP TODAY. TRYING TO IMPRESS SOMEONE?
8 tags
Goddammit, Virgo
VIRGO: YOU’RE SMART ENOUGH TO KNOW WHAT’S REAL AND WHAT ISN’T. YOU JUST DON’T CARE.
7 tags
Think before you...anything
LEO: YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU’RE DOING. MAKE UP YOUR MIND ALREADY. OR DON’T. I’M NOT YOUR MOTHER.
7 tags
Totally not legit
CANCER: DON’T DO IT. THEY MAY PULL THE STRINGS, BUT THIS IS SHADY AS FUCK.
7 tags
I have a hunch they'll murder you
GEMINI: EASE UP, NANCY DREW. I KNOW YOU HAVE A HUNCH, BUT DON’T JUMP IN THE MOVING VAN WITH THOSE SHADY DUDES UNTIL CELLPHONES ARE INVENTED.
7 tags
Because he's the helmsman, see
TAURUS: PREPARE TO CHANGE COURSE, MR. SULU.
7 tags
Yeeeeeaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!
ARIES: MANY FEELS, YOU HAZ THEM. DON’T BE FOOLED. AGAIN.
6 tags
Spurting
PISCES: DAMN, YOU GOT A LOT OF HIPPIE FRIENDS. YOUR SPIRIT IS SPURTING WITH GROWTH. HEH. HEH.
6 tags
I can't remember what I've forgotten
AQUARIUS: DID YOU FORGET SOMETHING? I THINK YOU FORGOT SOMETHING. IS SOMEONE SUPPOSED TO COME OVER? WAS THERE A THING TONIGHT?
5 tags
Walk it off
CAPRICORN: WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO YOURSELF? WELL, STOP IT.
5 tags
Oh look, a $50! And a parking ticket...
SAGITTARIUS: GOOD KARMA PAYS IT FORWARD TODAY, AND THEN IMMEDIATELY DEMANDS YOU GIVE IT BACK.
7 tags
What the shit was that?
SCORPIO: IT’S POSSIBLE YOU’RE HAUNTED, MAYBE. TRY NOT TO THINK ABOUT IT.
6 tags
Art is cool and all, but it's expensive
LIBRA: NOT SO BALANCED TODAY, ARE YA? IF YOU’RE NOT ALREADY BROKE, YOU WILL BE.
6 tags
I'll have what she's having
VIRGO: SO MANY FEELS, MAN. EVERYWHERE. THAT RED IS THE RED OF FEEEEEEEELLLLLLSSSSSS.
5 tags
Nice try, Monday
LEO: FEELING BRAIN-DEAD? IT’S BECAUSE YOU ARE. THERE’S NOTHING TO BE DONE. JUST GO BACK TO BED.
7 tags
Do animals talk where you come from?
CANCER: GODDAMN, YOU’RE NEEDY. THERE’S NO NEED TO START SINGING. DON’T SING.
5 tags
Caves have terrible wifi
GEMINI: BEFORE YOU RAGEQUIT, THINK ABOUT THIS: HERMITS GET NEITHER INTERNET NOR DRINKABLE COFFEE.
6 tags
EEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeee!!!
TAURUS: YOU NEED A VAYCAY. LET’S ALL GO! ROAD TRIP!
5 tags
Metaphorically speaking.
ARIES: APPRECIATE YO’ BITCHES, BITCH.
1 tag
April 2013
46 posts
7 tags
That's why it's a cliche, right?
PISCES: YOU KNOW WHAT FRIENDS LIKE? BENEFITS. JUST SAYIN’, THIS IS A GOOD TIME TO SORT IT OUT.
6 tags
You'll find out.
AQUARIUS: DUMP THAT SAD-ASS SHIT. THERE IS PLENTY MORE OF YOU IN THE SEA. A LOT OF YOUS, ACTUALLY. LIKE, A LOT, A LOT.
9 tags
What if your red isn't the same as my red?
CAPRICORN: TONIGHT’S HANGOUT WILL BE SOOOOOOO MUCH BETTER WITH A LITTLE HERBAL ASSISTANCE, YINOWHAMSAYN? FREAKIN’ MAGICAL AND SHIT. AND LIKE, DEEP.
8 tags
I smell a sexy scandal cooking
SAGITTARIUS: YOU LIKE BOOKS AND SMART STUFF, RIGHT? SOMEBODY SLIGHTLY INTERNET FAMOUS MIGHT TALK TO YOU AND KIND OF HIT ON YOUR SWEETIE A LITTLE. YOU CAN USE THIS TO YOUR ADVANTAGE IF YOU USE YOUR HEAD.
6 tags
Carry on, I guess
SCORPIO: I’M SUPPOSED TO TELL YOU THAT YOU MIGHT SEE SOMEBODY YOU’D LIKE TO BANG, BUT THAT’S JUST WHAT HAPPENS TO YOU ON YOUR AVERAGE TUESDAY.
6 tags
Time to try something new
LIBRA: HOLY SHIT, DUDE. DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUGGLE? OR PAINT? OR DO ANYTHING BESIDES PWN NOOBS AND OGLE BEWBS? TRY IT. TRY ANYTHING.
7 tags
Great day for your friendly neighborhood stalker
VIRGO: DO YOU PREFER TO CARRY A TASER OR A STUN GUN? WHICH FEELS MORE LIKE BEES? THESE ARE IMPORTANT QUESTIONS THAT MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE SHIT THAT MAY OR MAY NOT GO DOWN TODAY.
7 tags
It's a trap
LEO: SOMEONE WANTS TO MOVE IN WITH YOU. THIS SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT IDEA NOW, BUT EVERYTHING IT IS NOT WHAT IT SEEMS. AT. ALL.
8 tags
This is why the internet was invented
CANCER: WHAT THE HELL IS WITH ALL THESE LOVEY-DOVEY ASSHOLES? YOU HAVE THE RIGHT IDEA, STAYING INSIDE. THEY MIGHT BE CONTAGIOUS.
6 tags
That's not what "twincest" means
GEMINI: LOVE IS GRAND. ESPECIALLY SELF-LOVE. YOU’RE TWINS, RIGHT?
7 tags
They stingin' errybody up in here
TAURUS: I HOPE YOUR PETALS ARE READY. HERE COMES A BEE.
7 tags
This doesn't mean you're absolved from asking...
ARIES: YOU ARE THE BEE AND HERE COMES A FLOWER. A SEXY, SEXY FLOWER.
“Griffin did as she was told: “I tried Pine-Sol, bleach, I even tried Dawn on...”
– What BP Doesn’t Want You to Know About the 2010 Gulf Spill - Newsweek and The Daily Beast
The symptoms:
Like hundreds, possibly thousands, of workers on the cleanup, Griffin soon fell ill with a cluster of excruciating, bizarre, grotesque ailments. By July, unstoppable muscle spasms were twisting...
“A List of “Men’s Rights” Issues That Feminism Is Already Working On
Feminists...”
– Autostraddle (via notaprincessdestinedtobeawitch)
Guys. You need to read this.
(via abaldwin360)
8 tags
Have you considered investing in a muzzle?
PISCES: “You might believe that the current solution is to talk about your feelings. Unfortunately, the more you say now, the less clear everything becomes.” = SHUT UP. JUST SHUT UP, FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST. YOU’VE BEEN MOANING FOR THREE HOURS AND THE RUM IS GONE.
6 tags
The ol' Oreos full of toothpaste is a classic
AQUARIUS: “Somehow, lately, you’ve talked yourself out of an idea which might have worked very well indeed.” = WELL AIN’T THAT A DAMN SHAME. REMEMBER WHO HELPED TALK YOU OUT OF IT, AND DEAL WITH THEM APPROPRIATELY.
6 tags
Somewhat hyperbolic
CAPRICORN: “Try to remain centered and focused despite it all. It’s the only way to get anything done.” = BEST TEACH THEM WHO THEY DEALIN’ WITH.
9 tags
Pay no attention to the man behind the binoculars
SAGITTARIUS: “Too often, you get miracles confused with magical illusions.” = LIKE PSEUDOSCIENCE AND COINCIDENCE, WHICH ARE TOTALLY DIFFERENT FROM BELIEVING THE ADVICE OF SOME DUDE FROM THE INTERNET WHO SPENDS ALL HIS TIME IN HIS ROOM LOOKING OUT OF A TELESCOPE. WAIT, LET ME START OVER, THAT SOUNDS BAD. UH — LOOK! SHINY!
